Updated: May 9
Then you've got to learn to love yourself truly, unconditionally and mind-blowingly first!
Yeh, I know that sounds like really bad and shitty news because you probably don't like yourself very much. BUT THAT'S THE WORK MY FRIENDS! There's no way around it I'm afraid. That seriously annoying cliche is the truth - LOVE STARTS WITH YOURSELF.
Sure, I get it, finding love from a romantic partner means you get to avoid doing the work and nailing this thing called 'self love'. But, if you want a long-lasting, healthy, unconditional, delicious and delectable, true, mind-blowing relationship with someone else then you have to do the work with yourself first.
Trust me on this guys, I know because for the whole of my dating life I tried by-passing the self love bullshit. That is until I realized, in my recovery, that it isn't bullshit. In fact, turns out that learning to love yourself heals practically everything, like...
You no longer seek approval from others because you already know how fucking awesome you are.
You no longer question your decisions because you finally trust yourself, and have finally tuned in to your own intuition.
You no longer put up with being treated like shit, because you love yourself too damn much to put up with it.
You dare to believe in your dreams AND start making your dreams come true because you finally realize you are worthy of them.
The list goes on and on my friends.
"We only connect with another as deep as we connect with ourselves. So if you want the truest love connection... fall in love with yourself first."
Okay, I can hear what you're thinking... 'Fine Andrea, I'm willing to try it! I'm willing to fall in love with myself first so I can find some true soul connection BUT how the fuck do I do that???'
Well the bad news is that it's no overnight matter - you've got to be consistent, have daily routines and practices, and the willingness to step out of your comfort zone and try new things.
But the good news is that after just a few weeks you'll start feeling a difference, and the more you stick to this new way of being, doing, thinking and feeling the more your view of yourself will completely transform.
REMEMBER we are no longer doing the whole perfectionist thing! You don't have to learn how to love yourself perfectly. You just need to have the willingness, start doing the work and healing needed, and let your Higher Power (whatever your Higher Power is) take care of the rest.
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION - it's one of my favorite mantras.
Here's an exercise to get you started, it's called Mirror Work and it was created by the amazing spiritual teacher Louise Hay, who founded Hay House Publishing (where most of the juiciest self help books come from).
Mirror Work is incredibly uncomfortable, cringey and revolting at the beginning... but who said healing and transforming your life to all good things would be easy? I sure as hell didn't! The discomfort, cringe and revoltingness does not last forever... just the first week or so ;)
All you have to do is this: Each morning when you're at your bathroom sink, before you start brushing your teeth, look at yourself in the mirror. Now I don't mean crucify yourself in the mirror by focusing on the new zit or extra wrinkle. I mean really look at yourself. Look at the beautiful person who has survived so much shit. Look into your eyes and into your soul, go deeper. Look at the you that didn't have the support or guidance they needed when they were a kid. I want you to look at yourself, really look at yourself and say the following...
"I love you (your name). I really, really love you exactly the way you are right now."
Then you can start brushing your teeth and get on with your day.
YUP, that's it.
For this to work, in order to literally rewire your brain into a new belief system, you have to do this mirror work exercise each and every morning without fail.
Start tomorrow and do it every day. What have you got to lose? Fuck all. What have you got to gain? A new relationship to yourself and, by doing so, inviting in beautiful new relationships with other people.
And if you want more tools, workshops and guidance on how to become a self love ninja then take the plunge and join the community now!
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